Thursday, December 10, 2009

They would see, save that they choose to be blind

Some things were said to me and around me not too long, and I couldn't help but...think about it. They were those types of statements that just kind of prompt thought, at least apparently from me and those like me.

"I don't want to hear negative things about X, they're a good friend of mine." Now, mayhaps I am alone in this: I appreciate hearing something negative about a friend. NOT because I want to wallow in the gossip, or blackmail them, or anything else. And maybe I am alone in this. But it seems to me that someone who can make this statement might not be the best type of friend to have, because they are the type who willingly choose to be blind. This is the type of willing blindness that only values a friend as long as there is no hardship, no strife, who only sees half of the person. Can that truly be regarded as a true friend, someone who only wants to see half of you? Or, am I the only one who values my real friends, as opposed to my acquaintances, because they have seen the harsher sides of me...and supported me through it, helped me, listened to me, and were still there when things got better. I love the song "Ugly Side", by Blue October; it makes me appreciate more those who have seen mine, and accepted it as merely another part of me.

Which leads to another issue I have with the above statement. If someone is truly your friend, wouldn't you want to know when something bad is done to or by them? Because otherwise, you won't be able to help them with things, established patterns that you see them repeat. You'd know they are detrimental, you know these things hurt them...but instead you choose to pretend that they are not there. Is that the mark of a true friend, ignoring and being willingly blind to friend's mistakes and problems...or is that a mark of selfishness?

"I'm trying to be neutral." When two friends of yours have a conflict, you cannot be neutral. It is not possible. All you can be is complacent. Even attempting neutrality, you are going to side more with one or the other. The only way to truly be neutral...is to address the problem, and try to solve the conflict. Think about what you know of each party, the time you've known each. The truths will be in there, if you know anything at all about either person, you simply have to sift through it. Ignoring an issue is not neutral.

One last point, to finish the overall topic of people choosing to willingly wear blinders. When you hear of someone doing something bad, selfish, dishonorable, or just downright horrible, and you agree that that something is bad, and then you choose to ignore it and laugh and smile with that person, never mentioning it...that is almost just as bad. You have thus given implied consent in those actions that you previously condemned, as well as greatly increasing the chances that it will be repeated. Plus, by not choosing to see the negatives in that way, you give up all rights to complaint or surprise when the same thing is done to you.

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